Ego Before Proof

There is this book called Ego Is the Enemy. I’ve never read it though.

Every athlete you watch, celebrity, actor, and even TV character has this thing called ego.

My definition of ego is just being 100% yourself, thinking you’re better than everyone else, not apologizing for it, and eventually internalizing that belief until you actually feel it.

The common debate is between ego and confidence. Confidence is having the belief that you are better than everyone but not showing it. Ego is having the belief and also showing it.

From an outside perspective, ego can look goofy if you have nothing to show for it.

I haven’t really watched MMA, but someone like Conor McGregor is egotistical. He constantly shouts, screams, and has this unhinged confidence, saying things to his opponents to get in their heads and behaving erratically. But he’s also 22-7 and regarded as an amazing MMA fighter. So being egotistical isn’t really goofy when you have something to back it up. Even though he has lost, he’s not a bum.

The interesting thing about ego is being egotistical when you’re nobody, when you have nothing to show for it.

Imagine you have that Mamba mentality, Jordan mentality, or CR7 mentality, and you’re making okay money with no major accomplishments. You can look goofy, right?

Because why are you acting like a tech founder, a visionary, or a politician when you have nothing to show for it?

Here’s the thing though. A lot of those egotistical people, at some point, were probably worse off than the average or above-average person I just described.

Sorry for doomscrolling TikTok, but I guess, “The more you larp, the less you larp.”

The more you pretend to be someone you’re not, you inevitably become that person, and eventually you no longer have to pretend because you’re him.

In my previous book, Never Off, I mentioned some visionaries in Chapter 2: Extreme Self-Delusion.

Some examples are Kanye West, Mark Manson, and Steve Jobs. Mark Manson has talked about how successful people are often contrarian, meaning they believe in ideas most people initially think are stupid, unrealistic, or just wrong. Kanye had an almost irrational level of self-belief, Manson built his philosophy around caring deeply about only a few things instead of everything, and Steve Jobs became famous for his “reality distortion field” and obsession with user experience.

They all believed in ideas that went against what most people around them thought made sense. Sometimes that kind of thinking makes you look delusional. Sometimes it’s exactly what allows you to build something different.

But here’s the thing. It’s not just about being contrarian or thinking differently. All of that stuff is fine. Ego is also about putting people down to an extent. It’s being a little bit of a douchebag.

When someone opposes your viewpoint, challenges you, or thinks you’re a nobody, confidence is, once again, being humble and addressing that person in a calm way. Ego is more of an “f you” mentality. It’s saying, even though I only have 10,000 monthly listeners, I’m going to be better than Drake.

This post isn’t about trying to convince you to be a horrible person. It’s more about why so many people who win seem to be egotistical.

Because on paper, you’re a “bad” person, so why does that mentality sometimes seem to work?

It doesn’t make sense. How does having a belief that you have no proof to support make you potentially invincible?

Also, just because you have an ego doesn’t mean you will win. Having that belief isn’t a guarantee that you will succeed. But is it a prerequisite? Is it the very first step, or something you need in order to be successful?

The interesting thing is that a lot of people think ego is kinda performative to an extent. Having ego as an athlete or in movies is one thing, but ego shows up in every industry.

People like Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk are tech visionaries who receive a lot of criticism. They created products everyone knows about, like Facebook and Tesla, but they don’t seem to have the time or desire to listen to the general public.

Conformity, not being able to be yourself, or even people constantly telling you to “lock in” are all things that can annoy people.

I think a lot of egotistical people don’t follow the normal path. They have this narrow vision that a lot of people just don’t understand. Maybe it’s corny, but there is a socially conventional, traditional path that gets pushed onto you, and going against it is always going to be looked at differently.

Something interesting, though, is whether ego can actually be taught. Some people are just themselves. I don’t think people are choosing tomorrow that they will suddenly become egotistical, stop caring about what other people think, and completely believe in themselves.

My theory is mostly about noise.

Egotistical people can win because the amount of noise you hear is draining, and it’s not only negative noise either.

I don’t want to repeat the same quote over and over again, but too bad. My ego doesn’t allow me to care.

“The moment you are disturbed by an insult or pleased by praise, you are still a slave.” - Osho

This quote is the definition of being egotistical, at least in the way I’m thinking about it. I think egotistical people would do whatever their heart desires regardless of praise or insult. That person will keep writing, keep coding, keep running, regardless of whether you think they’re cool or not.

A misconception I think people correlate with ego is that there is some glorified end result they’re chasing.

Sure, people want money, fame, recognition, whatever it might be. But I also believe there’s something more intrinsic. It’s a word I’ve mentioned multiple times.

Belief.

They genuinely believe they can do something. That’s the key motivator. They envision a lifestyle, they believe they can get it, and somehow, sometimes, they actually do.

Ego might be useful because it filters noise and protects belief.

I’ma be an astronaut. Actually, I don’t want to. I saw Interstellar too, yk. Thank God I don’t have an ego... or maybe I do.