Both Sides

You have to be humble, but also be proud of who you are.

You have to work hard, but take breaks and enjoy life.

Be kind, but don’t be a pushover.

Work out, but enjoy the tiramisu because you only have one life.

Have a large group of friends, but also be comfortable being alone.

Advice is everywhere, but the annoying thing about advice is: who do you trust, how do you balance everything, and is the person giving advice actually giving good advice, or are they just trying to get you to click the link in their bio?

This isn’t an uncommon topic on my blog, but more and more people are realizing this is happening on the internet.

A lot of people want to become better people. They want to be more charismatic, be lean, have a high-paying job, and have a great social life, but it often gets confusing.

The push-pull-legs split is no longer optimal, dating apps are frowned upon, and grinding seven hours a day is unattractive.

However, when you only work out three times a week, you aren’t pushing yourself. If you cook protein, you need vegetables. Or are vegetables even worth it? But take creatine. Well, it’s not that beneficial in the first place.

There’s always another side of the coin. You are always thinking about the other side.

When you are playing FIFA, you think about work. When you work, you are thinking about hanging out with friends. The hardest part is, yes, optimization, but also struggling to be present.

"Whatever you do, do it 100%. When you work, work. When you laugh, laugh. When you eat, eat like it's your last meal.” This line is a famous quote from the character Tony Lip in the 2018 movie Green Book.

I’m starting to understand this quote more and more because it makes sense, but it’s a hard endeavor.

Being present is difficult because the past and the future exist, well, at least in our minds. When you are on TikTok, you are thinking about your homework assignment or a weird conversation you had a couple of days ago.

The hardest part about being present is guilt, because no matter what, there will be guilt when you are doing something too much. When you are in the gym, you might feel guilty because you are spending too much time there and not on your projects. When you are working really hard, you might feel bad for neglecting your friends. It’s a cycle that doesn’t stop.

Even now, people say, enjoy your 20s, go travel the world. Other people say, no, it’s not the right time. Earn enough money and enjoy your 30s.

It can be a problem because at 22, there are so many different options that none of them seem incorrect. There are people still finishing undergrad, starting master’s programs like me, traveling the world, building a startup, or even doing nothing, trying to assess the best foot forward.

All of these options seem reasonable, at least to me. How many chances are you going to get to travel? If you start working now, you can be comfortable later on. Trying to take some time off makes sense after you just spent eight years in school.

Every decision has a pro and a con to it. That’s what makes it hard.

At least in my opinion, I don’t think there’s one option that significantly outweighs the others. I think that’s why people try to play both sides of the coin.

Wake up. Work out. Work. Socialize. Sleep.

Something that hits all the criteria, which makes sense, but I just don’t see life that way. You might have sprints of physical progress, sprints of going out, or randomly deciding to play GTA 6 for 10 hours.

Social media is definitely contributing to this, but then again, deleting it could mean you are missing out.

The middle ground is the sweet spot, at least on paper. But if you are always in the middle, you never really stand for anything. You never experience life in its fullest form. You can travel once in a while, but you won’t fully experience traveling if you don’t do it for months, seeing all the sights and embracing the culture. Working a little bit every day might be a consistent approach to finishing a project. But sometimes you have that energy to do a coding spree for 12 hours straight, finally locking in and finishing the thing you need to finish.

Well, what’s the advice?

The advice isn’t the problem, maybe not even the guilt. I don’t even think it’s about trusting yourself to make the right decisions. I think it’s about understanding that there are three different approaches to life.

All-In / Extremes

When GTA 6 drops, playing that game for hours a day.

Constantly applying to jobs and LeetCoding during job season.

Partying in Ibiza for months on end.

Middle Ground / Optimization

Work. Eat. Gym. Cook. Read. Socialize. Sleep. Repeat.

Intentional Imbalance / Seasons

Knowing that routines are constantly going to change, going from locking in, to doing nothing, to randomly traveling, to being bored.

Takeaway

But again, I don’t think any of these approaches is automatically better. Every one has a tradeoff. The problem might start when you’re living one way while judging yourself by the standards of another. You’re in a season where you want to work constantly, but you feel guilty because someone told you to enjoy your 20s. You’re traveling and having fun, but you feel guilty because someone on LinkedIn is talking about waking up at 5 a.m. and building a startup.

Whatever you choose, choose it fully.